I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
