All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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