I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
