Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
