dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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