the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
