remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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