Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
