my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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