Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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