So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
