bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
