Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
