I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
