thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize