He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
