Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize