im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
my liver is dry heaving
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
