bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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