I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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