You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
