whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
