I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
