people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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