i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
