There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
