Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
