I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
