Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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