I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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