so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Randomize
