I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
