i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
My feet surprised me
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
