Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
We left the knife in your bed.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
