she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
