so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize