apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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