I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize