bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
