you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
