just tell him i said nine months
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
