so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
i believe in u and ur pee
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
