how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
