well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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