PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
