um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
