If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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