As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You're a waste of cheezeits
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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