Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
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