I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
