the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
