just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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