he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
