here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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