too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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