I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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