Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
