the day after is always just damage control
I'm passing your future prison.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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