the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
