shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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