I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
