why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
