He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
