i would punch a child for taco bell
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Randomize
