so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I just want to make out with him forever
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
