Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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