Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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