Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
