I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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