i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
